So Many Choices, One Life to Live by Sister Anne Marie Lom, OSF
Posted on November 17, 2008
Filed Under Vocations / Discernment |
“What will I do with this one, precious life I have?” This seems to be the underlying question I hear from my younger clients as I see them for spiritual direction. As a Franciscan Sister of Christian Charity, I have an inclination to turn to St. Francis for some guidance, myself, as I assist others in navigating this path of choices in life. How did Francis come to understand God’s call, God’s will for his life? He prayed for guidance, he listened, he consulted with others and he was willing to grow in his understanding of God, of life and of his unique call and ministry.
I find some young adults begin to think seriously about their call to a lifestyle late in high school or early in college. Am I called to be single, married, a religious sister, brother or priest or a diocesan priest? Some put this discernment off for several years and concentrate on a career first, be it education, business, health care, or one of the myriad choices one has to make regarding how one will pay bills, serve others and find a certain joy in the workplace. It is easy to confuse a lifestyle and a career choice but they are radically different.
A lifestyle demands a life long commitment, an investment of love, a willingness to blend and negotiate with others, a fundamental focus of time, energy and talents. It is a basic way of seeing the world and finding a “fit” that brings joy and a sense of “being at home” in the world. It is often accompanied by vows to God in a community, vows to a diocesan bishop or vows to a spouse. In all cases a person opens to a vulnerability to others and trusts that their life is given over to a process greater than the self. The single life, too, has its own demands of time, energy and vulnerability where a person commits to caring for others in a unique way suited to their temperament. None of these lifestyles are successful if a person is self-centered and calculates “what’s in it for me?” The nature of a lifestyle is self-giving and other-centered. When questioned about discerning a lifestyle, I encourage the young adult to pray for guidance, listen to how God is speaking in their heart, consult with others and then take some action. Be willing to continue to clarify your calling as your prayer, your significant family members and friends continue to interact with you.
I hear comments that some young adults have prayed reverently and long, asking God for guidance, but to no avail. My response is: God speaks in your deepest heart and in those around you. God speaks to you through others, especially those with the wisdom of experience and true friends who will be candid with you about your temperament and gifts. God is not sending emails and text messages but is very present in your life. Ask for help from others to see how God is working and then listen carefully for a response. A lifestyle call may take some years to emerge so be patient and watchful. A mentor or spiritual director can be helpful in discerning a call to a lifestyle.
A career, on the other hand, is a particular way that people can express themselves in an ever-changing world. As a religious sister, I have had four careers and may have some more in the future. My siblings have both had several careers. As our world and culture change and develop, new careers open and people can find themselves in a position where their career is no longer viable. Some elements in choosing a career are the same as discerning a lifestyle. Consulting with trusted others is a must. They often have valuable information about your talents and gifts and may help to predict some challenges you will face.
Whenever you are making an important decision, whether it may be a lifestyle or a career, here are five important discernment guidelines my clients have found helpful:
- What makes you “deep down happy”? When does your “heart sing” with joy? Follow that intuition. God speaks through our deepest desires. God desires our happiness.
- What kind of support do you need to follow your dream? Where will you get that support? Can you ask for support if it is not forthcoming?
- How do you manage financially? It is not wise to attempt to enter any lifestyle carrying a lot of debt. What kinds of choices will you make to be financially sound?
- Realistically, what career choice will pay bills, offer you flexibility for your lifestyle options and motivate you to get up in the morning? Is the career you are pondering ethical? Will it make the world a better place? Do you have the physical, mental and emotional stamina required by this career? For example: if you plan to have children, will your career allow for spouse and family life? If you think you might be called to a religious life, will this career fit into that vocation?
- Are you able to share your thoughts, dreams, ideas, joys and challenges with others? All lifestyles and most careers demand this type of interaction. If you find this difficult, how can you develop these skills?
Whether you are discerning a lifestyle or a career, are you willing to pray, ask for guidance, consult with others and then take concrete steps, actions, to move toward your dreams? With one precious life to live, may you live it abundantly!
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Like Sister Anne Marie, Immaculatee Ilibagiza also speaks in a straight-forward way in her book ‘Left to Tell’(with Steve Erwin) regarding knowing ‘what to do’ with her one, precious life. This passage is a companion piece to this article:
“I was certain that God has a greater purpose for me, and I prayed every day for Him to reveal it to me. At first I was expecting Him to show me my entire future all at once-maybe with a flash of lightning and a clap of thunder thrown in for good measure. But I came to learn that God never shows us something we aren’t ready to understand. Instead, He lets us see what we need to see, when we need to see it. He’ll wait until our eyes and hearts are open to Him, and then when we’re ready, He will plant our feet on the path that’s best for us…but it’s up to us to do the walking.”
I wonder if sometimes there isn’t “only one way”. What role does personal choice and preference play?
I imagine that there could very well be times when the choice is a simple “yes” or “no”.
I can see how the root of it all is a simple “yes” or “no” to a relationship with The Lord.
But could there be other times when there is more room for personal discretion and expression in our choice?
Thanks for the reminder that career and lifestyle are not the same thing…yet both can be rewarding and hopefully complement each other.
Thank you for your comments, Erin and Laura. There is always room for personal choice and discretion. I believe the Lord works through our desires, preferences and natural abilities.
I also appreciate Sr. Julie Ann’s connection to “Left to Tell”. Our awareness of God’s ever present gracious presence is such a gift.
I hope to hear more comments.
thought-provoking and inspirational article! Just like the author herself!
I realize that I have some changes and decisions to make in my life and career. Don’t know if I have the stamina, but I DO have the Lord on my side.
People are often times forced into jobs to make a living that they don’t really like but need to do in order to pay the bills. I think it is always important to do your best no matter what job you have to do. There is always a sense of self satisfaction just knowing you did your best. As far as lifestyle choices go, I think people think too much about what they should do with their life rather than just live it. If you think and worry less about yourself and the future and just live for today and and focus on doing things that benefit not just yourself but others, your life will unfold as it should. Everyone has creativity and talent and different skills. Sometimes it takes another person to help us unearth our talents but they are there in all of us. We each have the unique ability to see the world and life in a way which no one else can. By just sharing our view, whether through art or service or just plain working a job, we are contributing a part of ourselves that is affecting everyone else in the world like a piece in a puzzle. We might never know the effect we have on others but by just being ourselves and doing our best in everyday life, we are doing what God put us here to do. To me, just having a positive attitude is the greatest contributing factor in accomplishing anything we want to do.
Thanks, Bev and Ellen, for your comments. A positive attitude, a willingness to change and grow, and a security that God is with us every step of the way are great insights and inspirations for all of us; even those of us who are settled and happy in a lifestle and career.
Your comments are appreciated!
Sister’s words are clear and concise. It is reassuring to know that the young are seeking out such guidance. I confess to a certain envy
that they have such a resource!!
The question, “What makes you deep down happy,” is a very good one but I wonder how many young ones know the answer to this question. So often we think happiness is outside of us when, in reality, it begins in our deepest self. For that very reason, it is a very good question to ask.
Thanks for your comments Pat and Sr. Veronica. It is good to hear your views on the topic of lifestyle and career. I’m hoping this awareness of the two concepts is a blessing to those preparing for either/both and a clarification for those of us already at “this adventure called life” for quite some time. May God bless each of you for sharing during this season of sharing and giving thanks!
Mary Oliver’s “The Grasshopper” has been one of my favorite ever, since the moment I heard it. That line - that challenge - “what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precius life” always stirs my soul, and is a sweet inspiration for us all.
My life so far when I’ve let it, has been guided perfectly when I listened to that soul stirring. I’m not sure what will come next, but know for sure that if I listen carefully and ask God for direction, it will be there.
Thanks for the reminder, Sr. Anne Marie.
I appreciate the reminder of WHERE I was introduced to “this one, precious life”. Indeed, it was Mary Oliver. Listening to God stirring within is not difficult once we recognize how God does that in our unique soul.
Does anyone have any “experience” of that stirring and how you recognize it?
Hey Sister, great article! Just a couple of Sundays ago we heard the Gospel about the talents and how two of the servants used them to give God honor. The article reminded me of that.
Nice pics of PraiseLoud!
Great article. Something that should be given to students prior to high school, especially the five guidelines. These are things they sometimes don’t think about but should be considering when they try to discern what they want to do with their lives. While planning on trying to get a high paying job seems to be more the priority these days, if you don’t love what you do, it’s usually not worth it.
Hey to you, Nick. Your comments are helpful. I never thought of connecting the Gospel of the talents with the article but now I have a new “twist” to careers and lifestyles. Thanks for the inspiration.
What a wonderful article! Very thought provoking not only for young adults, but adults of all ages. It is never too late to make changes in your life if you are not happy. The key word here is to remember to be happy and thankful every day of your life. God does work in mysterious ways, but it is up to us to listen and be patient. God will always be there for us no matter what happens in our life even if it is something very unexpected. We have to also remember to always trust and believe in the Lord. Our life may not always turn out the way we want or expect it. But God will be there to guide us through any situation. We just cannot close the door in his face. If I wouldn’t have the faith in God like I do, I don’t believe I would be as well off as I am today. Patience is another key virtue to remember. We may want everything today, but our lives don’t always happen that way. We are always evolving and changing. That’s what makes this life so very interesting.
Sister Anne Marie has a unique understanding of
human nature and the thing we all long for - to be loved. Believing God loves us more than we can imagine, empowers us to believe we can do anything we choose. Being comfortable in our chosen profession means being comfortable in our own skin, always aware of the presence and love of God.
Thank you, Ann. You are a wise mother! I’ll see if any 8th graders can be motivated to read and reflect on the article.
You are so right about loving what we do. The loving shows in the way we do our jobs and live our lives.
Great article and reminder of how God is present in my life. Sometimes it is difficult to identify our real purpose in life, but as we follow different paths we find that God is traveling with us and offering his guidance. I am reminded to listen carefully and be patient as I continue my journey through life.
Sue, Mary and Joy,
How wonderful to read your insights. You are three strong women who inspire me to have faith, continue through adversity and stay focused on Jesus. Thank you for your comments and for being women who inspire others.
Sr. Anne Marie does an excellent job of distiguishing between a career and a lifestyle. This article is very concrete, with thought-provoking questions for young adults to ponder as they make these life-changing decisions. Well done!
Tony,
Thanks for your positive comment. I hope that you will be able to use the information in your work. Feel free to pass it on to anyone who may benefit.
Yes, we do have many choices in the One life we have been given. A wonderfully written article with many things I needed to be reminded of. That prayer and discernment do work, I need others to share my life and to help me make good choices. Thanks for the reminder that life style and career are two seperate items and that spirituality and spiritual growth can help in knowing how to seperate the two. I am working on “what is my heart song for joy and happiness with God”.
Bert,
Your comments about “heart song” are important. We often trade in happiness for success or an improved “image”. Thank you for your wisdom and insights.
Sister, The article is an excellent way of discerning ones life-style and career and should not be taken lightly. You have a way of saying it directly and honestly. Thank you!
When choosing a lifestyle as well as a career, there is usually a try-out time where I can see if it “fits”. Choosing a lifestyle ends with giving a total commitment whether it be religious life, priesthood, marriage. Am I willing to make this total commitment?
“Getting out” of the total commitment should be the exception and not the norm. I make the commitment knowing there will be good and bad times, frustrating and enlightened times. I have to learn how to work it out using prayer and good advice. I change me, my attitude, my thinking. I find the good in the situation and how I can live at peace.
I’ll never know how God will lead me if I don’t remain open, for He speaks in many ways: people, circumstances, in the silence, in my heart. But I have to give Him time. He doesn’t work fast enough for our instant world. He uses my life time to do His will in me. “Be not afraid I go before you always,come follow me!” however that may be. I let Him lead as I remain open.
Sister Sue Ann,
You really elaborate on the fidelity required when committing to a lifestyle. Thank you for those insights and your unique expression.
I also want to add that when a person consistently puts their priority on their career instread of their lifestyle, suffering usually follows. Lifestyle requires a portion of our heart reserved for life-time nurturing.
Sister Anne Marie’s questions are very insightful not only for young adults, but also for those of us that are middle-aged and find ourselves out of a job and needing to “reinvent” ourselves for a new career.
When you are older, you know that you absolutely want to find the right “fit” in a career and lifestyle and not have to keep starting over again and again. Money isn’t the over-riding factor as you age…being happy and content is a must.
Kathy,
You said it well and you said it from the voice of experience. Thank you for your words of wisdom, especially about the need for satisfaction beyond money.
Even at my age of 67 I find the comments of Sister Anne Marie Lom to be meaningful and directive. They not only call me to re-examine my own choices in life but to reflect on where I go from here.
The article was very interesting. Thank you for letting us know about it.
Gail, Doug, Donna and Diana,
Thank you for visiting our web page and reading and commenting on the article. I appreciate your comments and did not think of the article being useful to people in a variety of life stages but the feedback is telling me that. I have learned so much from all the comments and I am very grateful.
Please refer anyone to this article who may find it useful.
I happened upon this excellent article after watching a video on stained glass windows in the Fox Valley. I was not disappointed…Sister Anne Marie is not only an excellent Spiritual Director but also an excellent writer. Thank you!
Diane,
Thank you for your kind words and comments. I’m so glad you “happened” upon this site. I hope you return to this site often to share your feedback and I will look for it in future posts!
I enjoyed reading this artical. It tells me that God doesnt tell me what I should do, he gives me signs on what to do with my life. All I have to do is listen to his calling and he will guide me into the virtuous life.
This article is very helpful, especially now when I should choose a major for college. I have had trouble deciding what to choose but Sister Anne’s words have given me motivation for looking into possible ways of discovery. This article makes me wonder what my purpose for life is. It pushes me to decide what path I should take and what I want to accomplish in life. There are so many options and finding the right one is difficult. Her helpful words have given me guidance for the future.
the article made me think about my future and plans for life. And that god is always their even if he isnt calling you for you to be a priest or a sister but he will be calling you where he needs you. i really like the article like i said earlier it made me think about my future a little more.
I enjoyed reading this article. I thought that this could be a very inspirational article to me and many of my classmates before we all go off to college and different places. This will help many people understand what God wants us to do when we are older or are leaving high school.
After reading this essay, it has made me think on what i can do for my future. for there about two options that i have found to be what i would love to do the most. One would be to help the world in the energy crisis, then the other would be to help conserve the ecosystem as well as help stop the poaching of endagered animals.
hi:)
i feel that this was a great article and i can relate very well. i think that i can relate to this because i am getting to the age of finding out if i am going to be single, married or live a life under the catholic church. i am going to be going to college next year and i think that is when i will start to go in one or another direction. i have always planned on being married when i am older but things can always change. but by far the nicest nun is sr. jan. she is helping to teach me the right way to live as a good catholic.
have a nice day
This was a very thoughtful article and made me think a lot. I feel that being happy in your life is more important that anything else. I have already made my decision of what i want to do for the rest of my life and I know it’s what’s going to make me happy. In the end you have to do what makes you happy and your friends need to accept that no matter what it is, if they don’t then they aren’t your true friends.
I am glad our Theology teacher, Sister Jan gave us the information to this article because I am at the point of my life where I have to make the choice as to where the next step in my educational career is going to be. I am a high school senior and as the days go by, I become more and more traumatized by the fact that I still have not decided where I am going to attend after high school. Career and life are completely different, and that is a great thing to have in mind as I make the transition into college life, and the next step in my life, for that matter.
I have always believed that God will help us and guide us in a path that is best for us. I hope that the path we choose will be in coordination with the path that God had intended for us. Sister Jan has helped us in our Christian Lifestyles class, to try to think of a right and worthy choice for our future.
I have recently been aware of the so many different choices sorrounding lives. People can get very confused and frightened when they think of their future, and can’t decide on a number of careers they want for their lives. I have been thinking of what I wanted to study, since early in my High School years, and I had decided something in the medical field. I really like studying of the functions of our bodies, and how our bodies are really, very complex machines. Also the filed of forensics. I really like investigating, and looking a crime scenes to figure out problems.
My family, friends, and teachers have been talking to me about the different choices in the medical field, and have been very supportive on my future.
Hello Yuma Catholic! I appreciated your comments on how you are discerning your lifestyles and careers. You are wise and mature to include listening to parents, family members, friends, teachers and others as you make your decisions. God speaks mostly through others and asking for others’ feedback is part of good, solid spirituality. None of us is an island, we all belong to communities of family, friends etc. and it is within these contexts of love and challenges that we most often “hear” God speak.
I also agree with this statement:
“the nicest nun is sr. jan. she is helping to teach me the right way to live as a good catholic”.
The best compliment any of us could receive is that we are helping others to live the right way and as good Catholics.
Thank you, Sr. Anne Marie for your informative article. I would encourage the students to mentor another adult in the fields where they are most interested. Shadow a teacher, dental assistant, nurse, priest, city manager etc.
By the way, I read all comments & Gail McAllister–HELLO & are you that wonderful teacher on my STAFF, how many years ago?? Please e-mail me and let me know: sspaul351@hotmail.com God’s blessings to all those discerning a vocation or a career! Sr. Sharon Paul
Hi Sr. Jan!!!
I really like this article because it makes people think. I don’t always remember how precious life is and reading this helped me remember that. Life has a purpose and its different for everyone. God tries to help us find this purpose by sending us different people like teachers, friends, family, and even strangers.
this is a great article that i can relate to. i have thought about a vocational life but its not for me. i also enjoyed answering the questions
This article forced me to consider many things that I had not previously considered. I am about to start another chapter in my life and I have no idea what that chapter will consist of. This article not only helped me to think of different careers that I may possibly want to explore but also what I want out of life. The questions that Sister Anne Marie had us ask ourselves made me really look at myself and what person I am so far. These are questions that all people need to ask themselves before they embark on different journeys of life. These questions helped me and they will help others that are lost as well.
Gabriel,
I think you might be thinking of a “vocational life” as religious life. A vocation is a call. It may be to the married life, single life, religious life, or priesthood. You DO have a vocation, a call. Just ask God to what lifestyle you are being called. I’m glad you made your comments as many people would have responded as you did.
Lisa and Courtney,
Thanks for your insights and comments. It sounds like both of you have asked yourselves some “soul searching” questions. Good for you!
I would love to be present in your class as you discuss these lifestyle and career paths. They are really distinct. Keep reflecting and praying and I will do the same.
I really enjoyed this article about choosing a lifestyle. I never thought how much went into living a certain way until my theology class. Sr. Jan and this article have opened my eyes to the many possibilities. My favorite part from this article is looking for God through others work. I find myself constantly asking God “what should I do next” or “what do you have planned for me” and I feel He never really hears me. In reality I think I am just looking in the wrong places or expecting it to be spelled out for me. God works through all of us to help guide us. Thank you for this amazing article.
Taylor,
Your insight hits “the nail on the head”. God IS hearing and God IS speaking… we need to hear God’s language through the scriptures, through those who love and care about us, through our own prayer and discerning, through noticing the gifts and talents God has given us. Good for you that you sense that “God works through all of us”.
I enjoyed reading this article. I agree with a lot of the things you said. I also believe that although we need God in our life, one still has to do things for themselves. I dont feel that we can always pray and depend on God for everything, because like you said in your article sometimes, God doesnt respond to me. Sometimes i have to lead my own life, and make my own decisons. as long as i know its a decison that God would be happy i made, even though he didnt directly tell me to make it.
I think that this article is very truthful. It is truthful becasue this article talks about how we are going to face challanges in our life. One of our biggest challange in our life would be to choose one of the styles of life. I think that this is the hardest part of our life because that would mark our future. I personally think that whatever the style of life you choose you should live it to the fullest. I think that living a life to the fullest is that you enjoy the things that you do in the life style you did. I think that with this article some of my doubts are clear, and I think that the my lifestyle would be married. I think that because I want a family but you never know what might happen in your life. But I think that God has given us a different lifestyle and we have to find it.
This article was very well written and it helped me figure out what I have to do to find out what I want to do in life. I hope that I eventually find what I love to do and can make a career out of it.
I really liked this article. I am a senior in high school trying to figure out what I want to do with my life. This article has helped me understand the importance of finding what will make me happy and how prayer can help me. This article also made me realize that it is alright to have more than one career in life and sometimes it is God’s calling to live one particular lifestyle with multiple careers. Sister Anne Marie’s article is very inspiring and helpful for me.
I liked this article because God doesn’t tell us what to do with our lives and careers. He gives us different signals and callings, that will lead us to what is best for us.
God is love,
Mike B
This websites hits close to home because i am a high school student and am diciding what i want to do with my life. I have prayed long and hard often and felt like i was not getting any respose. However, i waited and waited and later had a sign that was not as obvious as i thought, but still an answer. We must wait and be patient for God’s response.
P.S. i did the song too sister so look it up
I seek God’s help in helping me decide many of my choices. In this time of my life, I have many choices, I usually decide what’s best for me and others. I think this essay could help many people in choosing between different alternatives, it definitely help me in how to think and organize my thought in choosing my options. I agree that many young adults seek God’s help in ways he wont show it. I’ve learned throughout my life that you can seek God through prayer and meditation. God will definetly help you and He will always be there for you.
in my life i keep my eyes open to see signs from god. i believe everyone has a purpose in this world and that god has a plan for everyone. i dont think that everyone succeeds to their purpose but staying close to god is the only way you can insure it.
god bless
matt inman
Hello all you Shamrocks from YCHS,
Your answers to Sr. Anne Marie’s reflection questions and your comments on these blogs make me realize how deep is the refection, prayer, and decision-making you are doing. You see the importance of listening to the Lord in prayer, listening to others and and to your own hearts. What you have shared in our Christian Living class has helped me to grow and you have helped one another greatly. How perfect that Sister Anne Marie’s article appeared at the end of our course, and as you are discerning the next step of your lives. It was truly God-sent through Sr. Anne Marie who is one with Him. See what good comes of a life lived for HIM.
Sister Jan -Yuma Catholic High School
This article has helped me think about what I should do with my future. It let me thik what endless possibilities I could acheive with my life. It has also helped me to think about the major I want to get in college.
I am so grateful for Sr. Jan’s comment as well as each insight of the Yuma Catholic students. I have learned so much from the lively exchanges on the blog and on my article. It has been almost one month of reflecting and commenting on discerning important movements of God in our lives.
I hope other religion instructors will tap into this blog site for theological discussion and sharing.
And a special thank you to so many St. Raphael parishioners and friends for their additions.
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